prittykitty

hello all . just call me kitty.  i have been overweight for sometime now. just like most people it kind of crept up on me over the last 1o years. while i was living life , raising kids and taking care of my family i was neglecting myself and making everyone else more important than me. i knew i was getting fat and i did nothing. i got comfortable and content which equals lazy in my case. i now carry 185 lbs on my 5 foot frame and it is to say the least uncomfortable. I am unhappy with the way i look and feel. most of all i am unhappy with the difficulty i am having controling my eating. i feel out of control. i feel like a failure. I know that the overeating is literally killing me and it seems that i can not control it and it makes me so unhappy and it makes me cry. I know the formula for weight loss and it seems so simple when you here it  but actually doing it is something very much different. i know that i am an emotional eater. whatever i am feeling requires something to eat. when i start a new diet and i fail within a couple days i stuff myself with whatever i can get my hands on until i make myself so sick i feel like i am going to burst and then for days after i feel like nothing. when i am eating i feel so happy like i have’nt a care in the world, but after the last bite i go back to feeling the same way i did before i ate all that food and most of the time i feel worse. i often contemplate purging but i have’nt done that . not because it’s so unhealthy but because i’m afraid i’ll choke to death on my own vomit. not the way i wanna go. i feel like i’m going crazy.  i smoked for 25 years and i quit 4 years ago january 13th, cold turkey not one cigarett ever again. i thought that would be the hardest thing i ever had to do  but i guess i was wrong. i’m eating as i write this. i feel weak and powerless and i’m tired of feeling this way.